Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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