Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
