Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
