we have pet lesbian snakes
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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