So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
