She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
