During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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