marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
