Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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