Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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