sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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