he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
