Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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