My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
