separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I have fence marks all over my body
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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