I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
