He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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