I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
