just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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