**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I am available for nakedness
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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