It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
