I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
