I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
