I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
