I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
