Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
