jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
we're so committed to being not committed
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
