Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
