You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
