I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
