I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
