I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
