All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
