the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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