he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
