Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
