Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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