I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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