dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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