I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
