I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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