Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
