Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Randomize
