Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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