This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
