I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
