My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
