I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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