Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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