This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
