I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
