hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
