I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
