So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
