he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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