Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
