I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
