when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
