Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish I only lived at night.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
