shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
