I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
